(Here’s my first article I submitted to Helium but minus all the typos, I hope.  Unfortunately I can’t edit over there.  Oh well…) 

As the mother of a 13-year-old daughter and a 10-year-old son, I have the wonderful priviledge of shopping for my children’s clothes. And after all of these years of doing so, I feel it is absolutely necessary to divide the list of DOs and DON’Ts into 2 seperate categories because shopping for girls at this age is a whole different animal than shopping for boys at almost any age.

 DOs for daughters:

1. DO let your daughter choose the store(s) she would like to shop in. It is important to observe her personal style decisions and listen to her reasoning for choosing so. Girls around this age start making their own decisions based on what they view on television, magazines, the internet, and friends at school. It is crucial you allow them to voice their opinions and clothing is one of the most important things they think about every single day.

2. DO actually look at the clothes in the stores that she likes. As moms, we’re already aware that at any moment our tween or teen daughter can go from sweet to psycho at the slightest hint of our disapproval. For now, we are to just look and listen because she will no longer be our daughter at this point; she will become a spokesmodel for all of the fashions she must have.

3. If the clothes are age-appropriate, DO purchase them in the correct sizes, which will more than likely be 2 to 3 sizes larger than what she wants.  Explain to her that you realize being cute is important to her but breathing is much more beneficial.

4. If the clothing is inappropriate, then this is the point when most of us realize that this is no longer a trip to the mall, but that we have been drafted onto the front lines and must be prepared to engage in battle. DO calmly walk towards the exit and suggest she follow you because you never intended for her to be a stripper so she will not dress like one. Remember it’s very important to keep walking here, with a confident smile and strong strut, because any sign of hesitation or discomfort on your part is a sign of weakness to her, and an immediate opportunity for her to begin negotiations. However, since most girls at this age won’t risk the embarrassment of everyone in the store looking at her mother walk out on her, she will quietly follow you out of the store while mumbling under her breath. But if she does feel like standing her ground and throwing a hissy fit in an attempt to embarrass you, tell her it’s time to go home and you’re done shopping for the day. Trust me, there is not a girl on the planet who will ever say “OK” to that.

 5. DO keep reminding your daughter that school is not a fashion show. And if she says, as my daughter said to me, “but Mom, it is a fashion show because all the kids at my school wear designer clothes”, tell her that fashion designers pay their models and until she brings a check home for walking the cafeteria catwalk, SCHOOL IS STILL SCHOOL and she will wear what you buy her.

6. DO have her try on clothing in front of you and suggest better looks, if necessary, without making her feel she looks ugly. For example, instead of saying, “you look terrible in that color”, try saying, “I like that, now try this one, too, because I think this color would look amazing on you.”

7. DO keep up with at least some of the current fashion trends for young girls. Let’s face it, Moms, our daughters at this age think we all came over on the covered wagon and anything we suggest is sure to make them look like their straight off the prairie. So have fun with your daughter and find creative ways to make these looks age-appropriate and cute, while still being fashionable and trendy. For example, if a top is too low in the front or back, suggest wearing it over another top that’s not low and tell her it’s layering and all the kids are doing it. This way you can play around with different colors and fabrics, and she won’t feel like you’re just getting her to “cover herself up”.

8. DO pull her in front of any of the full length mirrors in the store and tell her what you see: a beautiful young girl who will blossom into an amazing young woman one day. Just not today.

9. DO have patience because she will change her mind all day. She will try everything on and find something wrong with all of it. This is where you must step up your game and stand your ground, but also really let her know how beautiful she is.

10. DO have a glass of wine or a tranquilizer when you get home. You’re going to need it.

DON’Ts for daughters:

1. DON’T tell her the clothes she picks are ugly. This will not only embarrass her but may cause self-esteem issues where she believes that she is ineffective in making choices. Instead you may want to say, “well, I can see why you like those, but at least try these because a shoe can look hideous until you try it on and then you may love it.” Now if you just don’t like the way the shoe looks because it’s not your style, as long as it’s age-appropriate and not for standing on the corner all night, they may be OK. Use your judgement here, and see if this is merely just a conflict in personal taste.

2. DON’T be afraid to embellish. If your daughter absolutely does not like what you suggest for her, tell her you saw (insert her favorite girl celebrity here) in a magazine or on TV wearing this same thing. My daughter loves Raven and believe me, a “This shirt looks just like the one Raven had on when I was surfing through the channels the other day” will go a lot further than, “well this one just looks better to me”.

3. DON’T let her have her way in selecting inappropriate clothing. YOU are the parent and she is still the child. There is still a lot to be said for the old “because I said so” tradition.

4. DON’T be afraid to return any inappropriate item(s) she did buy when she was with someone else, like her dad or her friend, for example. (Please refer back to previous DON’T.)

DOs for sons:

 DO buy clothes that are dark or camouflage to hide dirt and grass stains.

DON’Ts for sons:

DON’T buy clothes that are white or pastel because it is too hard to remove dirt and grass stains from them.

And that’s all there really is when it comes to boys. No harm, no fuss, and best of all, unlike our lovely little girls, no drama!

 (photo: www.katiemoon.net)

That means after burying my father last month, my children are now seeing their other grandfather be laid to rest.  How sad I am for them; especially since they never really knew him.  I wish things could have been so much different, but this is the messy and the rotten part of life. 

I remember him, a sweet gentle man trapped by his own troubles in life.  AS WE ALL HAVE TROUBLES, but by the grace of God go I.  None of us know what path we’ll take in life, and none of us know what path our children will take in life.  We just need to pray for God’s mercy while we can, and pray for those who wont or cant pray for themselves.  I know that if it hadnt been for God’s undeserved grace, I’d still be blacking-out nearly every night from all the alcohol I consumed.  I’d still be chasing the wrong men all over town who made a complete fool out of me only because I allowed them to, and maybe be dying from AIDS.  I could be dead from riding sportbikes every chance I got, as others I have known have died from.  But it was God’s grace that saved me from my own destruction, nothing I did on my own, I couldnt save myself because I was a disaster headed only for doom.  NOT ONE OF US IS BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE.  And what I pray now is for something I do not know because I was not there, and that is that my father-in-law asked for God’s mercy as all of us must ask for,  that he accepted Jesus into his heart as all of us need to, before he traveled the road of death that all of us must travel. 

I go to the movies maybe once a year for something I actually want to see because lets face it, there aint a whole lotta options out there.  But whenever this movie comes out I will be right there BY MYSELF BECAUSE I DONT WANT ANYBODY TALKING OR ASKING ME QUESTIONS DURING MY FLICK!!  I’ve been waiting since “Casino Royale” which I’ve seen multiple times and yes, I do believe that Daniel Craig is, hands down, no doubt, the BEST JAMES BOND 007 EVER.   So I hope the film people work it all out, you know with all the accidents this week, because I already know this movie’s gonna be the bomb and most definitely the hottest movie of the year.

I really gotta see this movie because I have this unreal fascination with James Bond.  I remember watching the movies when Sean Connery was the man back in the day.  I think its alotta stuff all rolled into one: the hot accent, the fly black tailored suits (and Craig looked TOO FLY when he came in Vespar’s bathroom with that “dinner jacket”–WOW!), the amazing locations, and yeah, the cars.  Oh how I love exotic sports cars.  But if I’m gonna be honest and really dig down deep here I think the main reason I’m into the whole 007 thing (and by into I mean ONLY James Bond ringtones on my phone, and my artistic alias being Agent Double Oh Wow! ) is because I’ve never in my life ever had a man (except my father or my brother) ever defend me.  Never.  The men I loved throughout my life just didnt care, and I’ve been engaged twice and married once.  And I’m not only talking about physically defending me, because I’m not some trouble-making chick out here tryin to make her man jealous, but even when it came down to defending my character to members within his circle of friends and family, I’d be off to the side looking like some fool not worth the effort.  So dont hate me when I see a guy like that, even if he is fictional, grab the girl and use every weapon in his arsenal to keep her safe.  And I have never known what that feels like even from the men who were supposed to love me.  Oh well, maybe its kinda silly but so far I’m the only one reading this blog so I can really say what I want.  So…go Bond!

OK, I have a correction to make based on yesterday’s post regarding celebrities and reality shows.  There is one star who filmed a documentary that I saw recently on VH1 and it was one of the most real, insightful, beautiful, deep, haunting, and tragic films I have ever seen.  Its simply titled “The Last Days of Left Eye”.

The hip-hop singer documented the last month of her life in video form, while in Honduras, where she had gone for spiritual and physical healing on a 30-day pilgrimage with family and friends and was killed just a few days before her scheduled return to the U.S.  Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes died in a car accident on April 25, 2002.

“Last Days of Left Eye” tells her story not just in Honduras, but also the beginning of her life, her career and into its tragic conclusion.

I reccommend that anyone who has yet to see this film, find it and watch it.  And then sit and reflect on your life because tomorrow is not promised to any of us…

…Not ridiculous that she’s getting her own show because everyone else and their mama has one so why not.  Its ridiculous that they’re still using the word “REALITY”.  What a freakin joke.  I’m so sick of these celebrities or wannabees getting on tv like we’re gonna see the real deal.  And of course Jennifer Lopez is gonna show us how real she is, I mean after all, she belted it out with Ja Rule, right?  So what are we gonna see, huh?  Jenny from the block wakin up with drool coming outta her mouth and stank hair and her cussin mark out because he’s annoying the crap outta her while the twins are cryin for some leche? No we’re not.  Just like we’re not gonna see the broads on either of the Has-Beens of Love be REAL and say, “Hi, my name is So & So, and I’ll do anything for a buck and attention no matter how it humiliates my family and makes them vomit! Yay!”  Until we see honesty like that they can never be called reality shows.  And lets face it, it will never be honest because the subject of the show is the one who  profits, and since he or she already has money and their entire career is based on image theres no way they can afford for the public to see what they are really like.

Now when the subject of the show is poor and essentially stands to gain zero dollars from the project, like maybe National Geographic, the Discovery Channel, and COPS, then and only then do we have a full-fledged REALITY show.   There are no crews that will edit or photoshop the dirt and flies off of the beautiful faces of innocent Third World children.   And there’ll be no stylist on hand to give them fresh clean designer clothes in hopes of product placement.  No hot events on their social calendars so we can see them in all their REALITYNESS (yeah I made that word up just like stars make-up their realityness) as they socialize with others.  No fat checks or DVD releases or contracts of a Season 2 when its all said and done.  In fact the only reality here are looks of despair and the moments that slowly tick by while they patiently await death.  All while the camera is rolling.  No one shouting “Action!” or “Cut!”  Now that is reality, and to all of the celebrities and wannabees who have their own shows…the day you get rid of stylists and editing crews and directors and whoever else makes it all fly for the folks at home to watch, it will never ever be a REALITY show.

…I’ve been outta work for about 5 months after making a personal decision concerning my father’s illness at the time.  But now that he is gone I’m back out here on the job hunt.  So after blasting my resume all over the planet via Monster and Careerbuilder, etc., I had an interview this morning.  And I discovered something.  As I’m being grilled with all of these questions, the interviewer keeps referring to the agency or recruiter that is representing me as the “vendor”.  Hmmmmm, let me think about this for a moment. I have no problem with the word “recruiter” because they actually recruit you for the position.  And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with the term “agent” because an agent represents you with respect to getting the position.  But I do have a problem with the word “vendor”.  Why?  Because a vendor is a person who sells something and last I checked, I AM NOT A SLAVE. 

So is this what America is coming to?  The job market is sick, in the worse shape ever and companies know we need jobs so what do they do?  They post notices to “vendors” to scour the prospects for the ones that come in at the lowest bid and they “buy” us for a term with no benefits.  Now I may just be venting here, but how long before we are put on the actual auction block?  Dont think it cant happen. Every plan starts with a small seed.  You plant it way down deep in the dirt and no one knows that the roots are steadily and mightily growing because they see no sign of that growth above ground.  Some people might think its ridiculous still and that it could never happen.  And maybe they’re right.  Maybe it’ll just be more sophisticated this time and we’ll be put on EBAY instead.

 

I’ve loved mangoes my whole life. Who doesnt right? But when I bite into one its not just a piece of fruit but a piece of my past, back to when my mom and dad took my brother, my sister and I to Puerto Rico for the first time when I was about 7. Guayama to be exact, the town where my father was born. What a glorious time that was! I can still remember the lush green mountains and all the fruit trees! So ridiculously different than where I was born and still live. I can still smell that air so fresh that a slight breeze is making me sigh as I type. The night all of us crowded onto my Tía Maruca’s porch in that hot sweltering August heat, laughing and playing with the tons of cousins we had in that tiny little casita, as only happy children can laugh. We waited with our mouths watering, for my mom to finish cutting the mango in her hand. Even though I had them here in my native Upstate NY, it tasted like nothing I’d ever had before. I remember it like it was this morning… but that was almost 35 years ago, and now my dad has passed away. He was laid to rest last month and now I find myself thinking of him constantly. I miss him so much. I watched him take his last breaths in the hospital that morning as he succumbed to brain cancer. It was the saddest day of my life, but his end was so peaceful; he just breathed 2 deep breaths and stopped. I want him here, but he truly is in heaven now and that is a much better place than even Guayama.

Its so weird but I started this blog just to have a place where I can write stuff, honestly not even knowing where it will take me. I named it “Mango Memoirs” solely because I liked the sound of it. I designed the header and then the whole ’sweet, colorful, etc.’ metaphor came to me after. But it wasnt until this first post that I am writing now that everything about that childhood vacation has come crashing into my mind like the waves off the shores of Puerto Rico’s beautiful beaches. It always amazes me how God works, how awesome He is. When I think of all the wonderful memories I had with my father throughout my entire life, how I had a father who loved me and was there whenever I needed him, God brought me to the memory of that night: August 1973, when I waited for that slice of a bright red mango to help cool me down from the heat, just like the day my dad came bearing a bright red gas can because I ran out of gas on a hot 97 degree day in August 2007. That was the last day my dad came to my rescue before he became ill. Oh how I wish every child had a father like mine, the world would be full of happy children who would never go hungry and who would never be afraid.  And they would sure laugh alot because he was one funny man!

But even though I dont have my dad here on earth anymore, I do have a father who has never left me nor forsaken me and He is Almighty God. He is the same Father my earthly father came to know in September of 2005 when He accepted His Son, Jesus Christ and was baptized. He called on the Lord for deliverance from that horrible cancer and God answered him; my father has been delivered for eternity and he will never suffer or have any pain ever again.